(Source: imgfave, via thehipsterkids)
(via thehipsterkids)
(via dreamfulrebecca)
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year is 2392
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child:
mommy i can't sleep
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mother:
don't worry child. lay down as i sing you this ancient lullaby, passed on through my family for generations
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mother:
PARTY ROCK IS IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT EVERYBODY JUST HAVE A GOOD TIME
‘My friends microwave stopped working about a week ago. Now it’s asking for a blood sacrifice’
(Source: yeahIsawiton, via obesealpaca)
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if my mom's still asleep:
Shh don't make noise she's asleep
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if my dad's still asleep:
Shh don't make noise he's asleep
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if my brother's still asleep:
Shh don't make noise he's asleep
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if I'm still asleep:
I need to vacuum for 3 hours and use the blender
(Source: etsy.com, via thehipsterkids)
(Source: andrewskis)
(Source: justhere4lolz)
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me:
I should go shower now
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(five minutes later)
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(another five minutes later)
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(yet another five minutes later)
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(more five minute intervals)
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someone:
(goes into the bathroom)
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me:
wow fuck you I was JUST about to go take a shower
// One time//
Somebody called me on a blocked number and said “I dialed this number at complete random because I am tired of my close friends telling me what I want to hear.” She then proceeded to tell me about her fiance in detail. She told me about his good qualities, and the aspects of him that she absolutely despised. She asked me if it was right if she should marry him. She told me that my answer was more valuable to her than anyone elses’ because I had no relationship to her whatsoever, so I wouldn’t give her an answer other than what I saw fit. I think about this conversation here and there and remember her final words, where she told me that if she ever needed advice again that she would call me. I have never received another call from this woman, but I am awfully curious what decision she made in the end.
